How to be a less annoying human, or Dianne’s other rules of civil society

1. Park your one car in that one space between those two big lines.

2. Turn your lights on when driving in a parking garage.

3. If you own a car that beeps when you lock it, leave it unlocked.

4. If I can hear your radio over my own, it might be too loud.

5. If you don’t get an immediate answer to your email, sending two more will not help your request get done faster.

6. If you schedule a meeting for an hour, an hour is all you get. 

7. If you schedule a meeting for longer than an hour, there should be food involved.

8. Use redline.  I don’t really want to read that whole contract again.  It was fascinating enough the first time.

9. Do not refer to people who work for you as paraprofessionals.  That’s like quasi-workers.

10. If you have a dog, keep it on a leash, and if it barks at night or naptime know that I will call the police for disturbing the peace.

11. Make a cell phone that keeps a charge.

12. If you deliver a package to my house, wait long enough for me to get to the door to sign for it.

13. That clamshell packaging needs to go.

14. Do we really need can openers anymore?  Why don’t all cans have a pull top?

15. Doctors, car inspection places, the DMV, and all those other places that you have to go to in order to take care of life stuff should be open until at least 10 pm at night.

16. Libraries should be open on Mondays.  People need to read that day too.

17.  If you want me to self-checkout to save the cost of hiring employees, at least make that machine stop telling me to bag everything when I already did.

18. It’s called a sidewalk because that is where you are supposed to walk.  Streetwalking is not a good thing for various reasons.

19. When you shower at the gym, pick up your towels and put them where they belong.

20. When you work out at the gym, don’t grunt when you lift weights.  You are not a professional tennis star.

21. Make pitchers hit.

22. Let me bring my own food to the ballpark.

23. Two and a half weeks off of school in the middle of the year for Christmas is about two weeks too long.

24. If you charge a service fee for me to let you hold my money in your bank, I would like some service.  I could use help with laundry.

25. All refills should be free.